Monday, October 25, 2010

Long weekend left me feeling refreshed.

Last week was MEAs for teachers, so Kati and I gave ourselves a long weekend.

Thursday I worked from home for half the day and spent the rest of the day with Connie and Judi. I was able to take a nap and go out for Indian food with Cavan that evening. Friday was spent running around with Cavan during the day and eating pizza and watching movies all night. It was great and relaxing. Such a great way to spend a hard-earned day off. I got a new blackberry, which was AWESOME, so I spent a lot of the weekend trying to figure it all out.

Of course Saturday I had to work at Pottery Barn and Cavan worked at Ryley's. For dinner we met his family at the Liffey. For some reason it wasn't as nice as it usually is, but the food was good and it was good to see everyone again before Connie and Mike left. Ryley bought dinner and seems to be so excited about all of the work that's getting done on his place. I'm excited for him, and for us too. It's official that we'll be moving in downstairs on December 1. We called Mary this weekend and she was definitely okay with us just letting her know. It felt good to get that taken care of, but Cavan is now a little stressed that Ryley's either won't be done in time or that it'll be a huge chore moving Ryley upstairs. I know it will be, because it is going to take going through all of Michelle's things, but hopefully he will be do excited that he'll have a little bit of motivation to just get through it.

Cavan is really excited to be moving into a bigger and nicer place. I am too, but change is always difficult for me. I am excited to be closer to work and to live in NE. Closer to everything, really. Cavan has really been looking at beds, rugs, and everything to fill in the space and I just think it's so damn cute. It's great that he's even more excited about that stuff than I am. I usually would go crazy for that sort of thing, but I'm just concerned about money now. I started a savings account last week and am working on a savings plan. Because I make such little money, it's really hard to focus on saving and moving and decorating and everything in between. Especially with Christmas coming up. I want to be able to save at LEAST $3,000 for a rainy day fund that I won't touch unless I absolutely have to. But then I find myself wanting boots and clothes and other stupid things that I've been going without for so long.

I know that Cavan expects to be taking on most of the cost of moving and decorating and everything, which is admirable, but I'm just not interested in him paying for everything.We just bought a PB sofa yesterday and should have it by the time we move into Ryley's. I am so excited for it, but it's also nerve-wracking. It's the first big purchase that we've made together and it's a definite splurge. But it'll be so nice to have a nice living room to come back to everyday. Something so warm and inviting will not go to waste, so I feel okay about it. Cavan loves it almost as much as I do, and it's going to fit perfectly in the living room. The next big thing we're going to get is a bed frame and then probably a couple of rugs. It's scary and a lot of spending, but it's also really exciting.

Alisha and Jake got engaged last week. It's so awesome and I couldn't be happier for them. I think for a while I was hoping that Cavan would propose sooner rather than later, but for now I think I'm really happy with our relationship and how it's developing. We're taking really great steps together, and I feel really good about the way I'm developing independently from the relationship. I've been making plans for after AmeriCorps, including a grad school program, developing my financial security, and planning for the longer-term future. I want to set myself up for success so that when I'm actually making better money, it'll be really easy to up my savings and feel really good about my plans. I want Cavan to start thinking about that stuff, too, and I think that he's interested. He started a savings account, too, and I think he really has the hopes of doing the same things. Building his credit, saving for the future, etc.

Last week was simultaneously scary, exciting, depressing, and happy. But for the most part I am happy about where I am and how things are going. It seems to be a really slow process for me, but I feel like I'm moving in the right direction. I'm scared, but it all seems like it's working.

Monday, October 4, 2010

Hard week, easy week

Last week was really difficult for a few different reasons. Michelle's birthday was yesterday, and Saturday was three months since she killed herself. The whole week I was pretty emotional and Cavan was so busy that he only started taking it hard on Saturday night. He's so afraid that he's going to get a call that Ryley has done the same thing.

Friday night I had one of my fainting spells after working and babysitting all day. I fell, hurt both of my ankles pretty bad, and apparently injured my right wrist. It is now really irritated, and I'm afraid I broke it again where I had before. The only problem is that my insurance is so bad that I can't afford to go to the doctor to get it checked out. I think I'm going to wait a week or so and if it's still bad, I will just need to bite the bullet and see someone about it.

I hate feeling so helpless that I can't go to the doctor to fix what is hurting me. I don't understand why our culture is the way it is. I'm sitting here in my service position with the United States government and I cannot bear to go to the doctor to get my painful injury checked out because I make $5 an hour and my insurance is cut-rate.

I'm depressed, sore, and not willing to write much more.