I think I need to write more.

There are constantly so many things going through my mind. I remember my junior year when I was doing so much writing, and I think that was when I was most in tune with myself and my mind. This isn't my only outlet, because I have my journal too, but it's a good and easy way to get some feelings out onto paper.

Of course, there are the money issues. It's Christmastime and I don't have any money to buy gifts for the people I love the most. I couldn't even really afford to go out with my friends last night for our secret santa Christmas celebration. It's hard, but I'm working through it. I'm okay with this lifestyle, because I know it will only get better from here. Cavan is a huge help, but this is all on me. My loans, my bills, my rent. It's all on me. I'm not sure how this is going to work, but I'm certainly hoping it gets better after the first of the year.

I like my job. I feel really lame for saying it, considering I could have done this stupid job right out of high school without 50,000 dollars in debt. And, honestly, the last thing I want to do is work retail the rest of my life, but I've learned the finer points of my skills set and I know what to look for in future jobs. I think I'll post about this, specifically, later. Hopefully Pottery Barn will give me a decent raise when I become core staff and/or have a full time position that I would be able to take at my store or in corporate. This is certainly not what I want to do for the rest of my life. I want a schedule that I can normalize and a job that could make enough money to support a family. For now though, even though I feel a slight bit like a loser for working there, it's work, it's money, and it's something that I can get better at.

Alright, color me bored. I think I'm going to stop now.