So, I thought I got over my winter sadness thing, but I guess not. Saturday it kind of hit me hard. I was just strolling along, feeling good about things, and them BAM! Friday night it started when only Rachel and Kati showed up to our happy hour. It was fine, we had fun, but I spent a lot of money on myself and it made me uncomfortable. Saturday was spent mostly down in the dumps too, and now I have this vague feeling of dissatisfaction swallowing me. In my job, in my life, in my body. It's mostly hitting me today, and I really hope that it doesn't follow me around for too long.
One of the things that is bothering my most right now is my weight. I've struggled with it for almost 5 years now, and I was so happy for the short time I wasn't worried about it. Cavan is also heavier than he wants to be. I made a really inspired push for healthy foods for the last month or so, and I thought I had been feeling better about myself. Saturday Cavan and I made a stop at American Eagle in the mall and I tried on a couple of pairs of jeans. Even though the jeans I wore into the store were and AE size 4, I could barely get my legs into a new size four. How depressing. Yesterday at the doctor's office, I weighed in at 6 pounds heavier than I was exactly a year ago. And I wasn't happy about it last year either. Part of it was that I am used to weighing with very little clothing, and yesterday was VERY cold, so I had on more clothing than usual. But I'm sure the same thing was the case last year. This morning, when putting on my size 4 Old Navy black slacks (over leggings), I struggled to get them buttoned. What a frustrating situation.
I was feeling okay about the amount of time I dedicate to the gym, but then Lisa asked if I could work on Tuesdays, too. I need the money, so of course I said yes. It's so frustrating, though, because I feel like I have approximately ZERO time to actually take care of myself.
I need to find a way to feel better. I hate the way I feel right now.