Tuesday, August 24, 2010

I know, I know.

It's been a long time. I can't even count how many times I've said that. Blogs are neigh impossible for me to keep up, but then I get the urge to write and start again. I guess it doesn't matter, it's really just a convenient journal.

So much has happened since the last time I wrote here. Obviously. It's been eight months. Eight months is long enough to become a different person. Shit, it's almost long enough to grow a NEW person. So, yeah, lots of things. Lots of big things have happened. Here's a short list of the biggest things:

1. Cavan and I are both more gainfully employed than we had been in January. He is now full-time at the MLC as a coordinator and teacher. I am a full-time AmeriCorps Promise Fellow and part-time at Pottery Barn. It's only my second week, so I'm still feeling it out. Technically it's Cavan's first week at 40 hours (he's been doing 30 hours/week for the last month), so he still hasn't gotten the full taste of it all either.

2. Michelle is dead. I wince even reading the sentence, but it's all I want/need to say about that subject for now.

3. I've visited home twice since the last posting. Once in February for my parents' birthdays and once in June with Cavan for Al Talento's wedding.

4. Lauren has gone to Madagascar and come back. Our friendship is in better shape now than it was when she first got back, but it's still a little weird.

5. Most of my Mac friends are no longer in the cities. Lauren is pretty much the only one around, so it can get a little lonely sometimes. I've been relying on other friends like Hannah and Cavan's friends to go out with. I suppose it's been good. I find myself a lot closer to Cavan's friends since the Michelle incident.

6. I have my truck now and it's great for me to stretch my legs every once in a while. The amount that gas is costing me, though, can't continue. It's going to kick my ass sooner or later. Especially until I get my stupid loan deferment figured out.

I am lonely today. I don't know why-- I suppose it could have something to do with being locked up in an office by myself all day long with little to no meaningful contact with the outside world, or I guess it could just be my personality. Some days I get into a really dark place and don't know how to deal with myself. Unfortunately, on these days I feel so sorry for myself that I just don't get anything else done. I don't focus well, I try to reach out and then either get distracted or annoyed by myself and my own voice. The best thing for me to do is write it all out. Get some of the shitty, negative feelings out and stop pitying myself.

Maybe this entry will help me do that, maybe I'll just end up leaving early and taking a nap before Pottery Barn.

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