Happiness

Even though I go through phases of being really sad all of the time, I do have many moments where I realize how lucky, blessed, and all-around happy I am.

Cavan is officially my longest relationship. He and I have lived together for a year already and today is our nineteen month anniversary. I think this is about how long Keith and I had lasted in high school. It was right around 19 months. Even though that was my starter relationship, I guess I still had counted it as my longest. Mike doesn't really count either, even though he was only seventeen months. I have been so happy with Cavan for these 19 months, and I just kind of realized last night that it's only getting better and better. I feel comfortable, loved, appreciated, missed when I'm not around, supported, and secure. I couldn't ask any more from a relationship.

I like my job a lot. Even though it's difficult, sometimes I have a hard time finding shit to do, and I get paid next to nothing, it's very comforting to know what I want to do with my life and to have long-term goals. I hate busting my butt and being under-appreciated, but there are a lot of times that I sit here and do pretty much nothing, too. One thing is, I am pretty certain that this isn't what I want to do for another year. Though the $5,000 for loans at the end of the year is going to feel really good, I don't know if I can live on $1100 a month working 50-55 hours a week for another year. I would really like to be making as much as Cavan and feel like I'm really contributing to a household. I'd also like to really be able to save meaningful amounts of money.

I feel like I'm in the process of growing up, but there's still a long road before I feel like an actual grown-up. It's mostly money related (isn't everything). I guess I'm just going to have to be patient and wait for the time to look for the right job for me. For now, I will just try to conduct myself in an appropriate manner for and adult and hope that everything comes in as it should.