Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Difficult time in life.

I am so excited to be beginning my adult life. A life of my own, where I can choose what I want to do, where I want to be, and who I want to share my life with.

Cavan and I will be signing a lease agreement on Friday. We found an apartment to call home. It's great. Small, but I think it'll be perfect for us. We found a mattress to buy, have payment options for it, and we're on our way to making our lives for ourselves. Affording a home and a life together. Doing what we can with what we have. I don't think we could be more excited about it.

I am the happiest I've been in a very, very long time. At the same time, though, I'm scared. I am not financially stable in the least. There seem to be no jobs out there for someone like me, even though I'm intelligent, educated, and capable of anything. I'm starting to really get down on myself. And I really have no one but Cavan to lean on. Right now, we're doing what we can.

I talked to the loan lady this morning. She's very nice, and I'm glad I scheduled a meeting with her. We talked about consolidation and what that would mean for me. It's going to mean payments at about $275 a month, which I can handle. Originally they would have been around $450 which I absolutely could not handle. But, she did bring to my attention that I qualify for economic hardship deferment, which is one of the most depressing things I've heard in my life. I just want to be normal. I want to afford my debts. My lifestyle is very affordable, seeing as how I just spend money on food and shelter, I just want to be able to afford the schooling that got me into this wonderful predicament.

I need to make some really hugely grown up decisions. It's a very scary time for me and I'm all on my own. But something deep down is telling me that I'll figure it out and I'll be okay.

Thank goodness for that feeing.

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